What do people see when you walk into a room? Hopefully they see a confident, successful happy individual. But if we’re not careful, what we communicate through our body posture, may not be the image we wish to convey.
Our body movements, gestures, alignment (posture), eye contact, skin flushing, breathing, and even perspiration all add to the words that we speak. When I was younger, I blushed easily, and it intensified when people commented on my flushed cheeks. I still blush as an adult, but now I can laugh it off, without feeling horribly embarrassed.
The way we talk, sit, and stand carries a lot of meaning. Our unconscious gestures and body posture convey thoughts and feelings even more than the words that we speak. When confronted with conflicting signals (e.g. we speak confidently but our shoulders round and we slouch), others may rely on our non-verbal cues.
Check for inconsistencies. Our gestures should be consistent with what we are saying. For example, if a person speaks as if she is confident but fidgets with her hands when she communicates, she is conveying conflicting signals. Unfortunately, the overarching message will usually default to our body language.
Be observant but don’t over analyse every single gesture. Avoiding eye contact for example, does not have to mean that a person is lying, insincere or nervous. It is possible someone may look away to better recall or narrate things when not looking directly at you. Trust what your instincts are saying about someone’s non-verbal communication. If you sense that a person is nervous or insincere, you are probably right.
Communication is the foundation of any successful relationship, whether it is personal or professional. If you want to communicate body confidence, power and authority, practice these 5 communication cues:
1. Maintain assertive body posture.
The key to coming off poised and confident is in the way we hold ourselves. Forward head posture, neck hump, round shoulders and slouching, look less attractive to an observer than an upright, symmetrically aligned body. To stand confidently, stand with your feet approximately four to six inches apart. Distribute your weight equally on both legs, avoid swaying, stand long and tall and face the person/s you are speaking to.
Further Resources: Forward Head Posture – Cause and Cure
When was the last time you met a confident person who slouches? Exactly! When we sit or stand with expansive power postures, we boost our testosterone levels and testosterone is associated with success and the winner effect.
2. Watch your hands
Placing your hands on your hips is a posture many people use, but this can give off an air of arrogance or impatience; just as crossing your arms can. If you tend to play with your hair, touch your lips, or jiggle coins in your pocket when you’re with a group of people, remember that our body gestures communicate more than the words we say.
3. Don’t cross your legs
Not only is crossing your legs bad for your circulation because it increases the pressure on your veins, but it also makes you take up less space and can look less confident. Don’t spread your legs to China – I recently suggested to a friend of mine who was sitting beside me on the Go Train – and equally, don’t wrap yourself up into a cork screw either. Imagine what this is doing to your pelvic posture. Yikes!
4. Pay attention to your face
Do you know what your face looks like when you are looking at, listening to, or talking to other people? Some people’s standard facial expression can be stern, grumpy, angry and sometimes nice and smiley. I just love those people who look like they are smiling, even when they are not.
This was Mike Budenholzer’s expression through the entire game against the Toronto Raptors this week. Fair enough, the Buck’s did lose (go Raptors!) but even when the Bucks were well ahead, this was his typical appearance. Hilarious! Kinda.
If you have a rather severe standard facial expression, people may avoid you, think you are mad at them, or get defensive around you. These are not good outcomes if you want to connect with people.
What can you do? Pay attention to the comments your friends and colleagues make when you’re listening to them. Do people often think you’re upset because of your furrowed brow? Do strangers tell you to smile or cheer up? If this is the case, practice smiling in front of your bathroom mirror. And by the way, practising this will probably make you smile for real. Apparently it also helps – when listening to others – to keep your lips slightly parted so you are less likely to interrupt. Try it!
5. Make eye contact
Confident assertive people can hold a gaze. Too much eye contact may feel intrusive, rude and dominant. We need to strike a balance. You know that feeling when you are at a business event and speaking to someone who is scanning the room for someone better? It feels awful doesn’t it. Don’t be that person! Learn to listen with your eyes. People instinctively like people who listen to them.
The way we hold ourselves is often a reflection of how we feel about ourselves; so being more self aware and maintaining good body posture (it helps when we practice daily posturecise) improves our confidence. Not only do we look more attractive with upright symmetrical posture, but studies on posture are beginning to show us that our brains are actually more capable of positivity when the body is in an upright stance. Nice.